The Knight Life
by Cerotoro
Summary: The knights get pulled to the future, and end up with a bunch of rich, rowdy, party crazy collegers! How will they cope?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The King Arthur stuff isn't mine. Everything else is.

Sethe sprawled lazily across the sofa, eyes fixed on the big screen TV currently showing the Princess Bride. The hero, Westley, was currently leading the princess through the fire swamp. He gallantly dove in to a swamp sandpit and froze halfway in, as she hit the pause button.

"The Prince is dead" she announced to the silent house and her sleeping companions. Brenn stirred but didn't wake. Rougi wagged his tail. Brenn was 6'1", lean but muscular, with blond-brown hair and a handsome face. He was currently dressed in a fawn colored button up shirt that was open to his abs and a pair of ragged, loose, worn blue bum-around-the-house jeans. He'd returned an hour ago from work, and had slept since, which was why she was currently bored out of her mind. Rougi was a Great Dane/Rhodesian Ridgeback mix, three feet at the shoulder and a rusty gold color. He was the house pet, though he mostly belonged to Brenn and his half-sister, Bess. He was also completely boring, seeing as he decided that Brenn sleeping meant he slept. Everyone else was out.

"So much for summer break. Everyone else is out, and I'm stuck with a couple of snore masters!" She poked Rougi irritably, then surveyed the numerous game systems with a sigh. There was a motley collection ranging from a Nintendo 64 to the brand spanking new Xbox Amp'd. Also in the collection was the Halo Edition Xbox, a Playstation 3, a Wii, the extremely rare Nintendo 64 2009 remake, and a Playstation 4. A huge shelf beside the TV displayed 157 games, categorized by game console.

Normally, there would be several games strewn on the floor, the most common one being her favorite of all, Legend of Zelda and the Star Compass. Star Compass was the best Zelda Series game since Ocarina of Time, and had been made only for the 2009 remake 64. With a sigh, she gazed at it mournfully, wanting to play. However, she couldn't, seeing as her friends had hidden the power cords. The reason for this cruel punishment was her earlier obsession with the 64 remake. For the first week of summer, she had done little but play with the 64 remake, and other consoles of course, day and night. When she refused to stop, her friends made a plan to steal the power cords. They got her drunk one night, then hid the cords while she was out. So now she hade nothing interesting to do. And all her friends went out, while she was stuck here because her teacher/parental figure Burton found out about her getting drunk and confined her to the house for a week as punishment. At least today was her last day of confinement. Tomorrow she was free to leave the house, which was good, because she might have gone insane if she had to sit inside any longer.

She looked around the large room she was currently in. It was a recent addition to the house, a giant one-story room with a sloping roof and a double-level floor.The area with the massive seven-foot-tall widescreen high-definition TV and all the consoles and the shelf was sunken 30 inches below the floor level of the rest of the room. Likewise, the floor level of the rest of the room was sunken 12 inches below the floor level of the rest of the house. Over in the corner of the upper level of the room sat a huge marble-topped mahagony wet bar, complete with atttached beer fridge, ice maker, and three wine coolers sunk into the black marble top. The entire wet bar was fully stocked with everything from Guinness to high-quality Caribbean Rum. The bar was kept stocked by the three drinking-age occupants of the house, with much thanks from the seven non-drinking-age occupants.

Right now, the bar was locked with an electronic locking system. Only the drinking-age occupants were supposed to know the code to punch into the keypad to unlock the doors. However, one of the drinking-age occupants just so happened to be Sethe's boyfriend, Jonas. So naturally, she knew the code. And right now, she really wanted a beer. Or maybe a scotch with ice. Or a coconut martini. Or a Bahama Mama. She walked over to the bar and tapped in the key code. It took her only a moment to decide that a beer was what she wanted. She opened the door to the beer fridge and dug to the very back, to where the Blue Moon and Guinness resided. The sight of the Guinness caused a sharp pang of longing as she visualised Jonas sitting on the couch, bottle in hand, watching her play Star Compass, his chest providing her a living pillow, his arm warm around her waist. He was the only one in the house who drank Guinness, and nobody else would have dared to touch his beer anyway. Except her, of course. He always shared with her. She didn't actually drink Guinness much. She preferred Blue Moon. No one touched her Blue Moon either, on pain of suffering her wrath. Today though, on impulse, she grabbed a Guinness instead of her usual Blue Moon.

"Cheers Jonas" she murmured as she opened the bottle. Taking a sip, she sighed and thought of Jonas again. These thoughts led her to the end table by the sofa. Flipping up the lid/top, she reached inside and produced a large flip knife, a led light shaped like a shark, a small black and white photo, and a letter written on a piece of paper from a notepad.. The picture showed her and Jonas lying curled together in bed, asleep, faces only an inch apart, hair mussed, dressed in only their underclothes; not as naughty as it sounded, since for her, underclothes meant a cami and her smiley face boxers, and for Jonas, his old soccer shorts. Smiling, she opened the letter.

_To my Immortal Beloved,_

_Surprise! These are for you, gifts to say I love you, and I'm sorry I have to be gone for so long. The knife is six inches long,blackened steel. I got it specially from Ethan Bradford, because I know how particular you are. Now that you have your own, you can stop taking mine! The light is to represent how you light up my world, and make even the gloomiest days sunny. I will miss you far more than you will miss me. I probably won't be able to call, but I will send a birthday present, and a really long letter with it. The picture was taken by Shelfy, the romantic fag, while we were sleeping off hangovers after Chris' birthday party. I would be angry, but it's a really great picture and now I have a memento to take with me. It's funny, I never realized how few pictures there were of us together until I wanted one. We'll have to remedy that when I get back. I have a lot to say, and no more time (or space!) to say it. So, I love you, immensely, eternally, fiercely, with all my heart._

_Your Knight In Tarnished Armor, Jonas McEmry_

"Jonas" Sethe smiled, "It's only been two and a half weeks and already I'm pining for you. I depended on no one for seventeen years. Then you came along, and now I can't go two months without you! What have you turned me into?" She kissed the picture, then slipped it into her pocket with the letter and the light. The knife she toyed with as she picked up her beer and headed out of the room. She padded queitly through the massive house to the basement stairs. The basement was yet another unique feature of the house. The basement was actually two seperate basements, one below the other. The upper basement held the pool table, air hockey table, foozeball table, ping poing table, miniature bowling setup, and pinball machine. The lower basement held a couple of spare double beds, A sleep sofa, and padded floor space for bunking down in sleeping bags. The padded floor space was actually a huge quilted rug over fifteen airmattresses sewn together. Sethe herself had originally thought up the idea, and was delighted at how well it worked. They could house 21 of their friends down there, or even up to 26 if they crammed in. The house was as a direct result quite popular for sleepover parties.

The two basements were reached by one long spiral staircase. The staircase was carpeted because Rougi kept tripping and sliding on the smooth wooden steps that had been used previously. Halfway down was a small landing-type deal, which connected to the door to the upper basement. Sethe shoved it open and entered, locking it behind her. She didn't really want company at the moment. Moving to the pool table, she stared mournfully at Jonas' pool stick on the rack. His was custom made, with a special grip with white and black sharks on a grey background. Hers was black with blue diamonds with red X's over them. She grabbed her stick, pulled the triangular ball rack from the wall, set up the balls, and started her solo game. It didn't take her long to dunk every ball. With a flourish, she settled into position to dunk the eight ball. She aimed, pulled back the stick...and the lights went out.

Normally, seeing as it was only seven on a summer day, this wouldn't have been a problem as the sun was still up. However, she was in a basement, with the door closed and no windows. It was pitch black. And the basement was filled with so much junk, she feared to move lest she break her neck. And to top it all off, Moby, her friend Amber's cat, started wailing loudly.

"Shit!" she muttered. Stuck in the damn basement while the cat was probably dying. Amber would have her head if anything happened to Moby. And then she remembered the led light. Digging in her pocket, she pulled it out and flicked it on. The whole half of the room she stood in was illuminated. She quickly steered herself to the door and unlocked it. The cat stopped wailing as she stepped onto the stairs. The sound had come from the lower basement. Muttering cursewords, she started down.

"Moby" she hollared, "You better not be dying on me you stupid cat!" Navigating the stairs would have been a tricky prospect without Jonas' light. "Thank you Jonas" she muttered as she reached the door. She shoved the door open. And screamed.


	2. Introductions

The Knight Life

Chapter 2

AN: I just wanted to say that in this universe, the King Arthur movie was never made, and the actors who played the knights and Arthur don't exist. So much less complicated that way.

Disclaimer: Knights and stuff related to King Arthur don't belong to me. Everything else is mine.

Sethe screamed. The seven blood-covered men standing in the room jumped and whipped out various sharp, bloody weapons to point at her. One of them, a feral looking guy gripping a sword with a curved tip, was holding Moby under one arm. From what Sethe could see, the cat looked unharmed.

"What the hell are you freaks doing in my house?!" she demanded, "And you better not have hurt my cat!" One of the men, a guy garbed in a dorky red cape, spoke in a strangely accented voice.

"My lady, we mean you no harm. Your cat was making a lot of noise. My scout merely quieted her. She is quite unharmed. Please don't be alarmed."

"Don't be alarmed?" Sethe exploded, "Seven guys covered in blood and dressed in medieval armor just appeared in my basement! Of course I'm alarmed! I'm also pissed! You are _ruining_ the rug!"

"My apologies-" the man in the red cape began, but Sethe cut him off.

"Who are you anyway? And you better have a good answer!"

The red-caped man drew himself up and announced, "I am Artorius Castus of Hadrian's Wall, and these are my Sarmatian Knights." He paused and looked at the men on either side of him, then added, "At least, some of them."

Sethe stared for a full minute, then snorted with laughter. "Riiiiiight. Well, Commander Castus, so honored to meet you. Now stop messing around and tell me who you are and how you got here, before I have the police arrest you for trespassing."

"I assure you my lady, I speak the truth. I am not sure how we arrived in your home, but we are as I have said." The conviction in the man's eyes wiped the sarcastic grin from Sethe's face.

'Damn' she thought, 'He honestly believes what he's saying! And that looks an awful lot like real blood. Maybe he is what he says. For that matter, who am I to doubt, what with my own experiences? I'm out of my league on this. I need to get Brenn, and everyone else. Yeah, Brenn'll know what to do.'

"Uh, look, I'm gonna go get my friend, okay? You stay right there and just stand there. And for god's sake, _do not sit on the furniture_. The stains will _never_ come out. D'you want me to bring water?"

"Thank you, my lady, it would be much appreciated" the caped man said, bowing.

Sethe nodded, turned, and left. Halfway up the stairs, she paused, then descended again and poked her head through the door.

"Hey, I was wondering, could you tell me what year it is?"

The caped man looked at her oddly. "It is 453 AD, lady."

"Thanks" Sethe said, and yanked her head back through the door.

Thumping up the stairs, she grumbled aloud,

"First pirates, then Jesuits, then samurai, now knights from friggin' 453 AD. Why does this keep happening to me? Why can't I have a normal life like everyone else?"

Slamming open the door to the ground floor, she strode through the house to the living room. Moving much more quietly to the sofa, she shook Brenn's shoulder gently.

"Brenn, you need to wake up. Come on Brenn, get up, I've got knights from 453 AD standing in the lower basement."

Brenn opened his eyes. "Knights, you say? Is this like the Jesuits?"

Sethe grinned. "You would remember that. Yeah, like the Jesuits, only these guys aren't trying to crucify us."

"That's a relief. What year was it?" Brenn sat up and stretched, yawning.

"453 AD. They said they were from some place called Hadrian's Wall. Ring a bell?"

Brenn smiled. "Yes, actually. They're Romans. Shelf will be delighted."

"Shelf will be delighted? Why?" Sethe padded alongside him to the basement stairs.

"The Romans have a history of encouraging homosexuality" Brenn explained.

"Oh."

They reached the lower basement door and Sethe remembered her offer to bring water.

"Shoot! You go on in, I have to get something real quick." She turned and jogged back up the stairs. In the kitchen, she dug through the fridge and pulled out seven bottled waters. By the time she'd returned to the basement, Brenn was talking avidly with the caped guy.

"Water" Sethe announced, entering. She handed one to each blood-covered guy, then explained how to remove the twist cap.

"So, are they the real McCoy?" She asked while they guzzled the water.

"They're real" Brenn assured her. "In fact, the feral one even has a hawk."

"Fabulous. What did he do with the cat?"

"He let Moby go. Moby ran under the bed. I think he might be a bit traumatized. Or just annoyed."

Seth snorted. "Probably annoyed. I dunno if the fat bastard can even _do_ traumatized."

Brenn laughed. The cat, Moby, was disliked by many of the occupants of the house. It was foul-tempered, stubborn,and annoying. And Amber, the main financer of the house, was convinced he was an absolute angel. So he had to be treated like royalty.

Hopefully, the hawk would be less trouble.

"Where will we keep them 'till they go?" Sethe mused. "And man, do they _stink_. First order of business is _definitely_ a shower."

"Hey, I really got to pee." The fat knight interrupted.

"You know" Brenn grinned when Sethe scowled at him, "You really should be grateful these guys speak English. Remember the Jesuits, who only spoke spanish?"

Sethe rolled her eyes. "Yes, Brenn, the Jesuits are forever embedded in my mind. But they aren't Jesuits, so let's get back on topic, shall we? When was the last time you guys bathed? A couple months ago? Are you guys comfortable bathing together or what?"

"We are accustomed to sharing a bath, milady" offered the tall one, "Although Arthur typically washes by himself, being of higher rank."

"Well, tough nuts for Arthur" Sethe replied, "You'll go two-by-two, one to the tub and one to the shower. Any preferences?"

After a brief discussion, the knights had paired off. The tall one and the fat one would share the bathroom first, followed by the blonde man and the youngest one, then 'Commander Arthur' and the handsome one. The feral one with the hawk would go last.

"Brenn will show you how to work the tub and shower, while I find you guys something to wear" Sethe informed them, "We'll discuss sleeping arrangements and rules and whatever later."

"Thank you for your kindness lady" offered Arthur. Sethe shrugged casually.

The showering went well enough. The knights seemed to understand well enough when Brenn was explaining, and went through it with relatively few mistakes. The grooming wasn't so smooth. Upon being told they had to change thier hairstyles, the blonde haired knight and the young knight argued furiously. Sethe gave up on the feral knight after he actually _growled_ at her, snapping, "Fine! Look like medieval freakshow for all I care!" Brenn coaxed both the young knight and the blonde one to trim their beards, and shortened and dreadlocked the blonde's hair. The other four had univeral enough hairstyles to blend in.

Next was clothes. The tall one was a bit challenging because of his height, but they found him a suitable pair of slacks and a t-shirt. The cute one, the young one, and the blonde one all wore cargoes and tees. The fat one and Arthur wore work casual, which meant jeans and button up Royal Parking shirts. The feral one wore one of Jonas' sleeveless tops and a pair of nike track pants. As much as Sethe hated to admit it, he looked pretty decent.

"We need to take them to the mall tomorrow, get them some clothes of their own." Sethe noted to Brenn. He smiled.

"And teach them the necessary skills to survive here" he added.

"All right, listen up you guys" Sethe said, "There are several rules here.

Rule one: If food has been marked it is someone's exclusive property and shall not be touched. Any and all unmarked food is game.

Rule two: bathrooms can only be occupied for a maximum of thirty-five minutes. Once the thirty-five minutes is up, it is free to any comer.

Rule three: NEVER touch someone else's alcohol unless you've gotten their permission.

Rule four: if you make a mess, clean it up. If you don't, you'll do dishes for a month.

Rule five: Knock before you enter. Avoids embarrassing scenes.

Rule six: keep your private encounters private. All personal activities are banned from the common areas.

Rule seven: ask before you borrow.

Rule eight: respect your housemates. We all have rights.

Rule nine: think before you speak. If it's gonna offend someone, don't say it. If you absolutely have to argue, do it QIUETLY.

And the Golden Rule, Rule ten: Treat others like you wanna be treated.

Those are the rules. You follow them or you get out."

"There are a lot of customs here that aren't observed in your time" Brenn informed them, "And leadership is a bit different here too. For now, just do like we tell you and you should be fine. Tomorrow we'll take you shopping and maybe out to eat. The money here is called dollars, and it's in the form of green slips of paper. Brenn will explain all the customs and stuff. When you're done eating, we'll show you where you'll sleep." turning to Brenn, she smirked, "They're all yours. Try not to do them like you did the Jesuits."

"That wasn't my fault!" Brenn protested as she walked away, but she just laughed.

"Right" Brenn said dryly, surveying the knights, "Raise your hand if she just confused you."

Every knight except the feral one raised their hands. Brenn laughed.

"Well" he said, "For dinner I think we'll introduce you to a delicious food we natives like to call 'pizza'..."

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The knights surveyed their new domain, full-bellied and heavy-eyed. It was actually the lower basement that they'd appeared in originally. Brenn and Sethe had left them there with firm instructions not to leave the house, and to be very quiet. Now, inspecting the basement, the knights saw that there were two beds, four large bedrolls arranged on a slightly raised section of carpet, and a cot by the door.

"It is nice" Dagonet smiled, "We should thank our hosts in the morning. Arthur, you should take one of the beds."

"I would prefer if one of you did. I would be fine on floor.." Arthur tried to argue, but Gawain cut him off.

"Arthur, we insist."

"Very well" Arthur sighed, "Who will take the other?"

"Let Lancelot, the great girlish softy" Bors teased, "Wouldn't want 'im t' get a bruise sleepin' on the floor."

"Admit it Bors, you're only sore because Vanora loves me more."

"Hah! Who's got all the bastards by her, hm?"

Tristan, ignoring the banter, padded over to the cot and set his things down, arranging them neatly.

After several minutes of friendly banter and discussion, the knights settled into thier places. Lancelot and Arthur had the beds, and Dagonet, Bors, Gawain, and Galahad had the bedrolls. Tristan had already settled into the cot. Once the knights had settled in and figured out how to turn off the lights, galahad spoke up.

"How do you suppose the others are, at Fort Willing?"

"They're probably enjoying themselves so much they've forgotten all about us" Lancelot replied, "Fort Willing is practically all parties. They're probably partying right this minute."

"They were dispatched there to fight woads" Arthur pointed out, amused. "Doubtless they are doing so."

"I worry for the horses" Gawain said, "I would not want to have to steal them back from the woads."

"They know thier masters" Tristan muttered gruffly, "They will tolerate no other."

None of the knights argued with this. When it came to animals, the scout was always right.

"Sleep, Brothers" Arthur murmured, "I feel we will have a long day tomorrow."

AN: I know, I keep mentioning the Jesuits. Fear not, that incident will be explained later on. Mall fun next chapter! I'm very busy, but reviews make me post faster! Not as long as I liked, but I promise you the next one will be long and fun.


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